today I let it go.
in the beginning, I held on to the hope of a restoration some time in the future. It was a small hope, so I carried it with me wherever I went, tucking it in the pocket of my favourite sweater, never wanting to let it go. because the idea of saying goodbye forever was terrifying. it would mean a finality of things, and I couldn’t face up to that.
at the end, there was the painful realisation that the restoration of us was never part His plan. I tried and I failed miserably. and letting it go felt like the only natural thing to do- something beautiful had run its course. God knows how sad I am to do this, but I’m no longer scared. there is no more fear, because I know that I’m in God’s hands now, He will take care of me until the day when somebody else does. tonight I deleted all our photos together, and threw away our letters and things. I’ll remember the days spent together in the bright sunlight but I think that’s all I’m meant to take with me. It’s time to say goodbye now.
tomorrow I’m going to face things head on, the little tasks, preparation for dermatology exams next week and time spent with the ones I love, savour each moment and bask in its joy.
Sufjan stevens songs are the perfect songs to listen to when the sky starts to darken, melting the day into night.
we’re burning up// we might as well be lovers on the sun
this weekend was a good weekend. my skin is still warm from the hours spent in the sun, and I love the feel of the cool fan on it :)
Then we sat out on your rocking chair. You with a flower in your hair that I found for you…But then Monday always comes around. And it’s sad cause I can’t see you now. Want you to know you’re always in my head..